Wayne Gray
For better or worse, watching pornography has become a pretty mainstream activity in Western society, yet it continues to be a polarizing issue in society and in our relationships. While many people have found ways to integrate pornography into their lives as a healthy component of their sexuality, there is evidence to support that porn can have a negative impact on relationships.
Within a relationship, the use of porn by one partner is often “the elephant in the room” that the other person wants to be rid of. In society, pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry with an economic forecast that grows at an astronomical rate year over year.
In North America alone, pornography generates at least $15 billion in revenues per year — Netflix generates $12 billion, Hollywood $11.1 billion, and Viacom $13.3 billion, for comparison — making this an “elephant in the room” the size of Godzilla.
Rightly or wrongly, pornography has been scorned as the source of society’s ills for a long time, but the fundamental concern surrounding porn is its potential to warp our sexual interests, behaviours and relationships.
Pornography mixes a hefty spoonful of self-interest, stirred in with a cup full of unbridled desire and a sprinkle of unchecked abusive power cleverly disguised as erotic pleasure. This perfect storm of emotional manipulation is an alluring recipe for many.
The internet has also brought the world to our fingertips. With a device and Wi-Fi, anyone can get access to an overwhelming, limitless supply of pornographic material. Unhampered access to the internet has wreaked havoc in the lives of some adults, couples, families, and children.
I’m not here to pick sides or to tell you what to do. Your decision to watch or not to watch pornography is yours to make, and yours alone. However, as a licensed therapist who works with couples, I can tell you that the topic of pornography gets brought up a lot. And research suggests that porn can be a driver in making relationships worse.
A growing number of couples have reported that pornography:
Whether you watch pornography regularly, or you have a problem with your partner’s use of pornography, here are some things to consider before addressing the topic.
As a society, it’s important that we continue to create a space where research, education and dialogue can exist alongside hypersexuality. By continuously advancing healthy sexual attitudes, expectations, and values, we can succeed in pushing the porn elephant out of the room.
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