Love on the Spectrum Dating Lessons (Part 2): Creating Real Connection

By a therapist who knows dating isn’t easy—for anyone

Welcome back to our exploration of what Netflix’s Love on the Spectrum can teach us about love and dating. In Part 1, we looked at authenticity, clear communication, and how to recognize when a connection just isn’t working. Now, in Part 2, we’re diving into what it takes to build connection once the first hello is out of the way.

Spoiler alert: it’s not about playing it cool or decoding cryptic texts. It’s about comfort, shared values, patience, and support—skills we could all use more of, no matter where we land on the neurodiversity spectrum.

1. Choose Environments That Feel Like You

Love on the Spectrum reminds us that setting matters. A date spot doesn’t need to be trendy, it needs to feel right.

When Pari and Tina met for the first time in a formal Boston restaurant, the environment felt a little too stiff for their young, vibrant energy. Their second date, in a sun-drenched city garden, felt more natural—and their conversation flowed with ease.

Practical Takeaway: Choose date locations that reflect shared interests or help you feel at ease. Whether it’s a quiet café, an art museum, or an aquarium—comfort invites connection.

2. Build Bonds Through Shared Interests

One of the show’s standout relationships—Abbey and David—shows how shared interests can create natural connection points. Their mutual love of animals wasn’t just cute; it became the foundation of their bond. They could geek out over wildlife facts and dream about visiting zoos together—it made them feel seen.

Common ground doesn’t mean you need to like all the same things, but having a few overlapping passions or values can give a relationship something to grow from.

Practical Takeaway: Look for activities or conversation topics that light you both up. These shared sparks are more than small talk, they're potential glue.

3. Be Patient With the Process

Dating is rarely linear. That’s true for everyone, but especially when you’re learning social skills, managing anxiety, or figuring out what you even want.

Tanner’s journey illustrates this beautifully. While his dates don’t lead to lasting connections, he stays open and willing. He keeps showing up and grows his confidence along the way.

Practical Takeaway: Shift the focus from “finding the one” to learning what fits. Each date, even the awkward ones, offers information about your preferences and needs.

4. Celebrate the Small Wins

In a dating culture that often focuses on “endgame” goals—exclusive, engaged, married—Love on the Spectrum zooms in on moments we too often overlook: saying yes to a first date, expressing affection, or trying again after disappointment.

These small victories matter—sometimes even more than relationship outcomes.

Practical Takeaway: Notice your progress. Did you express yourself more clearly? Take a risk? Say no when something didn’t feel right? That’s growth. Celebrate it.

5. Lean on Your Support System

The show reminds us that dating isn’t a solo mission. Family, friends, therapists, and coaches all play a role in helping us feel grounded and confident.

Connor’s relationship with his family is a beautiful example. Their encouragement and honest feedback help him reflect on his experiences and stay motivated. Many participants lean on their loved ones as sounding boards and cheerleaders.

Practical Takeaway: Let people in. Talk to trusted friends or professionals. Community makes the ups and downs of dating more manageable, and more meaningful.

6. Find Joy in the Journey

More than anything, Love on the Spectrum shows how much joy can be found in the process of meeting someone new. There’s a sweetness to watching people show up with curiosity and openness, regardless of outcome.

They’re not just chasing connection, they’re exploring it.

Practical Takeaway: Let dating be about curiosity, not perfection. What can you learn about yourself, about others, or about what lights you up? Take the pressure off and allow the experience to unfold.

Final Thoughts

Love on the Spectrum may follow autistic individuals on their dating journeys, but the lessons it teaches are universal. Creating comfortable environments, discovering shared values, staying patient, celebrating growth, and leaning on support—these are the building blocks of meaningful relationships for everyone.

Maybe what makes the show so moving is that it strips away the performance so common in modern dating. No power plays. No breadcrumbing. Just people who want to be known, understood, and loved for who they are.

Honestly, isn’t that what we all want?