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My Queer Year's Resolutions
As the glitter gets swept up and brands quietly pack away their rainbows, what's left is whatever we choose to keep. We don't stop at the end of the parade route. Identity, expression, connection — these aren't a single weekend's celebration; they're the work of the other eleven months.
This year, instead of letting Pride end, I'm treating it as a starting line: a set of Queer Year's resolutions to carry into the rest of the year. Here's what came up for me across all three. Take what resonates and leave the rest.
1. Identity: Labels Are Tools, Not Verdicts
Pride month can be loud about identity: flags, colours, symbols, the gentle (and not-so-gentle) pressure to declare exactly what you are. But whether you love a label, hate one, or are somewhere in between — it is yours to decide. Labels can be tools, not verdicts. They can change, expand, or get retired entirely. Exploring the names that fit and the ones you've outgrown is its own kind of self-knowledge.
Some questions worth sitting with:
- Did I choose this word, or was it handed to me? Am I keeping it out of truth or habit?
- What am I afraid will happen if I get it "wrong"?
- Who would I be with no labels at all?
- Which words feel like a home, and which feel like a waiting room?
The pressure to be so sure of ourselves can be overwhelming, and it's okay to live in the grey area of the unknown. I go by she/they, pronouns that sometimes feel like a perfect fit and sometimes don't. The "she" is honest: I express myself as a cis woman, I kept the feminine name I was given at birth, and my presentation usually lands on the feminine side. But "she" comes with a whole rulebook to fit into society. Rules about how to look — slim but curvy, put-together but natural, modest and revealing — and always without pockets. Instructions about how to take up space like apologize first, soften the no, keep the voice light and the opinions lighter. And above all, rules about what to be: the emotional translator, the unpaid caregiver, the one society leans on by default. "He" also has its own set of rules as well that complement she rules to create a neat binary box for both. The "they" is my refusal of those prescribed gendered rules. I see no policies attached to they/them. No role assigned. It's freedom to dress, behave, and think without first checking whether it's "lady-like." My pronouns shake off those expectations and disagree with the patriarchal structures that manufactured them, I go by she/they. Will this label change? Maybe. But for now, I am enjoying being outside the binary box.
2. Expression: Your Rainbow Doesn't Have to Be Loud
If you don't like rainbows, that's okay. Expression doesn't have to be loud, and it doesn't have to look like anyone else's. It can live in the small things that make you feel like you.
Pride month can be a kind of inventory, not about how out you are, but about what simply feels good. We typically think of expression as outward appearance, the items that represent us. But this month, it's also worth asking:
- Which accessories or items make you feel most like yourself?
- Is there a colour, texture, or scent that just feels like you?
- What art pulls at you?
This month, for example, I took time to explore bisexual-inspired art as a year-long expression of what I want my space to reflect about me.
Expression can also be about exploration and action. There is so much 2SLGBTQIA+ literature and media to lose yourself in, from TikToks to music to manga to TV shows. At the start of the month, I enjoyed Angela Chen's audiobook Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex, and I recently started bingeing The L Word as a chaotic finish to June. Finding platforms or in-person groups that are safe spaces for your identity is another form of expression. Some parts of us only really come out around people who already understand.
It doesn't matter what your rainbow looks like — monochromatic or sparkly. Every time you invest in your expression, you're investing in yourself. The return on that investment? Euphoria (and I don't mean Season 3).
We hear a lot about dysphoria: the mismatch of a body or presentation that doesn't feel like it fits. We hear far less about its opposite. I bring up self-euphoria with my clients as something we can practise and grow — the feeling of being at home in your body and enjoying the relationship you're building with it. Like any relationship, it takes patience, energy, and time. The spirit of Pride can be the inspiration to begin.
