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This Valentine’s Day, Let’s Talk About the Feelings We Forget to Savour
Well, would you look at that? The Shiftie therapist who deals in heartbreak is penning a post on the eve of Valentine’s Day. Let’s get something clear up front. My focus today is on the broader implications of Cupid’s big day. Something more than L-O-V-E. I want to write an ode not just to love, but to a collection of emotions that bring vibrancy to our lives.
I usually try to avoid value-laden terms like good or bad, positive or negative emotions, but if we’re being honest, some emotions definitely feel better than others, or at least more comfortable as we feel through them. Here’s what I definitely stand by as I sit with clients: all emotions are signals. Signposts that might move us in a certain direction. Emotions quite literally have the potential to set us in motion.
Why Every Feeling Counts
We therapists often find ourselves working in the realm of the more uncomfortable emotions: anxiety, disappointment, regret, grief, anger. And wow, some meaningful work takes place in these emotional spaces. But for today, let’s talk about some emotions that rarely bring you into therapy, yet are oh so worthy of our attention. What are these wonderful emotions, you ask? Let’s look at a few: joy, awe, wonder, gratitude, and love.
Meet the Emotions That Brighten Our Lives
First, let’s get some clarity on the features and signals that are characteristic of these emotions. I headed straight to the pages of Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart, a book that I treat as the encyclopedia of all the feels. I love it. It’s visual, colourful, powered by storytelling, and full of sticky-note-worthy insights.
Joy: A Fleeting Spark
Perhaps it feels so precious because the experience of it is fleeting, like the cherry blossoms that delight Torontonians in High Park or the crabapple blossoms that create pink snow in May for those of us in southern Alberta. Joy is that intense but time-limited moment of pleasantness that washes over you. In that moment you can’t help but smile, and you feel your heart grow three sizes, just like the Grinch.
Awe and Wonder: Magic That Moves Us
Awe and wonder are two emotions that can feel indistinguishable because they share a magical undercurrent that nearly knocks us off our feet. We feel them when we come face-to-face with something that seems out-of-this-world beautiful and so much bigger than ourselves. Nature, art, music, and the most delicate human moments can evoke awe and wonder.
As for how we can discern between them, my encyclopedia of emotions gave me some clarity. When we stand in awe, we’re struck with the desire to appreciate it and bottle it up so we could keep it forever. When we stand in wonder, we’re struck by curiosity and the urge to better understand the phenomenon in front of us.
Gratitude: Noticing What’s Present
Then there’s gratitude. It’s the warm sense of appreciation we feel when we recognize that something meaningful has come our way, often through the actions or care of others. Gratitude turns our attention toward what is present and supportive, rather than only what is missing or hard.
Love: Deep Bonds and Vulnerability
And love — the incredible and vulnerable feeling of being bonded with someone, knowing them deeply and intimately, and feeling willing to do almost anything for them.
