Parenting an ADHDer: What I’ve Learned Along the Way

As a parent of a child with ADHD, I can honestly say it’s been a journey, one filled with love, learning, and, at times, a lot of uncertainty. Some days, it’s hard to tell whether I’m dealing with ADHD, social anxiety, or just typical adolescent behaviour. In truth, it’s probably a mix of all three. The lines blur quickly, and knowing how to respond in the moment can be hard.

No Two Children Are Alike

Parenting my two children has shown me just how different the experience can be. My non-ADHD child and my ADHDer couldn’t be more opposite in how they react to milestones, structure, and expectations. It’s night and day, and it took me time to understand that different doesn’t mean wrong. It just means their brains, needs, and ways of processing the world are unique.

Therapy has helped me accept and normalize that parenting a child with ADHD is, in fact, different. It can be overwhelming and frustrating, especially when those around you don’t fully understand. I’ve heard it all—“Give her chores; it’ll make her responsible,” or “Just say no, you’re being too lenient.” These well-meaning suggestions often fall short. ADHD isn’t about willpower or discipline; it’s about wiring.

Looking for support with parenting an ADHDer? Meet our therapists who specialize in ADHD

Looking for support with parenting an ADHDer? Meet our therapists who specialize in ADHD

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Regulating Myself to Support Her

Over time, I’ve learned that part of my role is calming myself before helping my child. It’s managing my own emotions while guiding hers. Sometimes, it’s explaining and re-explaining ADHD to family and friends who don’t see what I see. It’s gently educating others on how her brain works differently, and why our parenting might look different, too.

It’s taken me years to recognize how ADHD shows up for my daughter, to adjust my expectations, and to let go of how I thought she “should” be. That process of acceptance is still ongoing, but it’s also been incredibly freeing. It’s not just an ADHD lesson, it’s a parenting one: to meet our children where they are, not where we imagined they’d be.

You Don’t Have to Walk This Path Alone

If you’re a parent of an ADHDer, please remember this: take care of yourself. Parenting is never easy, and when you’re raising a child with additional needs, it requires extra effort, patience, and compassion, both for them and for you. We aren’t always prepared for it, and every child’s ADHD looks different. There’s no clear roadmap, and progress is rarely linear.

I walked this path without any role models; my mother, sister, and friends hadn’t faced this before. But with the support of a therapist, a teacher friend, and time, I’ve become a calmer, more understanding parent. You don’t have to wait as long as I did, and you don’t have to walk it alone.

If you’re struggling to understand your child, whether they have an ADHD diagnosis or not, getting support through Shift Collab’s ADHD Clinic is a great place to start. The best thing you can give your child is the best version of you, steady, informed, and compassionate. Take care of yourself so you can be their advocate, their anchor, and their guide.

They’re going to need you for the long road ahead, and you deserve support along the way too.

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