How To Love Yourself Well So You Can Truly Love Others

I believe that a lot of our suffering and sense of un-fulfillment come from not loving ourselves enough. We are so hard on ourselves. We relentlessly push ourselves toward our goals, then wonder why we’re exhausted. 

Before you go to bed, you might review the day’s tasks and accomplishments. You might write out your list for tomorrow. But how often do you review how well you’ve taken care of yourself that day? 

Childhood patterns follow us into adulthood

Many of us treat ourselves how our parents treated us when we were young. If you learned that you were a burden or not good enough in childhood, you’re likely treating yourself the same way today.

Love yourself first, then love others

Ask yourself right now: Have I loved myself today? You’re good at loving everyone else, but have you loved yourself? If there’s an emergency on a flight, we’re told to put our own oxygen mask on first. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of others.

How can I love myself?

Find ways to invest in yourself. What do you need to feel happy, loved, and emotionally safe? Here are a few ideas on how to love yourself:

• Setting boundaries with others
• Getting enough sleep
• Taking a break
• Giving yourself permission to make mistakes
• Taking a long bubble bath
• Having a spa day
• Looking at yourself in the mirror and liking what you see.

Shifting from negative self-talk to self-love

A lot of us have negative self-talk. We’re hard on ourselves about the things we didn’t do. Try shifting your focus to all the things you’ve done and accomplished. Pat yourself on the back. Love yourself for who you are, right now, with whatever imperfections you might have.

Love yourself today!

Remember, before going to sleep at night, ask: Did I love myself today? If the answer is no, plan to love yourself tomorrow. Write it next to your bed so you see it when you wake up. Taking care of yourself is the first step to feeling happy, at ease, and truly being able to love others.

Supporting your wellness journey

We’re excited to be part of your wellness journey. We welcome you to join Beyond the Session, our new community initiative where you can make the most out of your therapy experience, even if it's not at Shift! 

Or, if you’d like some one-on-one with a therapist, our 5-minute matching questionnaire can help you kickstart your therapy journey. 

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This article was written by Jumai Usamatu during their time at Shift Collab.

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